This is my cat, Tom. When I was 7, our neighbour brought over a barn kitten and his mother. The mother had a home, but they couldn’t take the kitten as well. After much debate between my parents, this puffball joined our family. The first night we had him we had to give him a bath, which he wasn’t happy about. He hugged the nozzle of the sink as we washed him, he was grouchy but after it was all over he was pretty content, laying in my arms as I put on Aristocats. I was a stupid child, but remembering his face as we watched the movie together always makes me smile.

As time passed, he got chubby and lazy. He loved lying in the grass with me in our backyard and playing with the blades of grass I would brush around with my hand. He would make a cute, high pitched purr when I would pat his head and even though his breathe was awful, I would let him lick my face. He would sit in my lap and shove his head against my face, demanding my attention. That contented face he would make when I gave in and scratched his head was so adorable.

I would always bug him whenever I saw him, scratching his belly and sitting him in my lap when he wanted to lay on the floor. He seemed so annoyed, but he would just go along with it every time. Almost like he enjoyed it, but didn’t want to admit it.

He was my mother’s baby, but he was almost like a brother to me. We would cuddle, play and it almost felt like he was keeping an eye on me, making sure I was ok.

At 1:30PM as I was ready to head out the door, my younger brother said those three words that made my heart stop and my entire body ache.

“Tom is dead”.

Looking over his body, it looked like he was just sleeping. I could swear I could see him breathing, but after running my hand along him, I knew he was gone. I still can’t believe he’s not here. I would say goodnight, good morning and goodbye to him every single day. He would always look up at me whenever I passed by while getting ready for work. 

I want him back. I want to hold his warm, purring body one more time. I want to tell him how much I love him and will always love him. How I loved his kisses even though his tongue felt like sandpaper. How I loved his sleepy stare while he laid in the sun. I don’t want him to go…I want him here, with me, with us. 

Tom, I love you more than I could ever hope to describe in words. I grew up with you, I just wish you could have stayed to grow up with me.

I love you.